so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
