piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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