yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
