he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
