If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
