Having a random hookup so left but love u
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
