tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
