All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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