you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
