No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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