Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
