how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
