we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
