You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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