it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
