When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
