we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
