So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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