Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
