The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
