if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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