when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
