Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
