My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
