this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
