Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
