I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's just like the Real World with babies
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
