Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He has the fingertips of a God
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