i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
