Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
