all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
