The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
