if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
