I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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