the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
