He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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