I love black thongs
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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