i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
