Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
