it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
