Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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