Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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