there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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