i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
