...so i touched it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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