Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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