i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
