alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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