I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
