FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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