so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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