I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
