You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
