Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize