im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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