No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A bitchslap is in order.
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