im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
