This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
