I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
