i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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