: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
