so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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