2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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