Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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