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I accidentally burped into my bong.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
