You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
