It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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